An Asexual Coming of Age

- Anonymous

November 20, 2020

A One TWU member shares her story: “Growing up, I was taught that there were only two directions that my sexual or romantic orientation could lead towards: Straight, or Gay.

Though I'm appreciative of my family being accepting of the possibility of their children growing up to develop an interest in the same gender, this still turned out to be fairly harmful to myself as someone who identified with neither of these two distinctions.

The lack of representation and awareness of other sexual orientations really took its toll on me. It wasn’t until my first romantic relationship at 16 that I realized something was different about me. Because I had no clue that the term asexual existed, I put myself through a lot of pain.

I had been taught by my family, friends, and society growing up that I could only be heterosexual or homosexual, and when my male partner at the time was expressing a physical sexual interest in me, and I was unable to reciprocate, the only possible solution that came to mind was that I had to be interested in women. What other option could there be?

But this still felt wrong. I tried to look for that inherent interest in women, but it just wasn’t there. I didn’t understand, and I spent most of my high school years immersed in pain and confusion.

This pulled me to the internet to try and find answers. I did extensive quizzes online asking “how straight or gay are you?” After numerous tests that ultimately gave no answer, one gave the response, “Neither! You're probably asexual!”

At that moment, I really felt God placing a hand on me. Though many people try to separate God from sexual orientations, I truly felt that he was the one who led me to this discovery. God was the one who saw my confusion and my struggle in my identity. God showed me who I really was, how to navigate who I am, and how to make myself comfortable in future relationships.

Being asexual in an inherently sex-focused world is beyond difficult. I've struggled with my identity since that moment of discovery, but I've also been learning how to be happy with who I am and how God made me. I couldn't imagine being anything other than myself." ❤️